My Archives: January 2004
Monday, January 12, 2004
For more info on the videotape giveaway, look here.
Good luck!
Posted by roland @ 05:31 PM CST [Link]
I was born on May 1, 1966. I was given up for adoption, as far as I know, right from birth. My parents adopted me in August of 1966.
I found out I was adopted in August of 1994.
My adoptive father had just passed away. As I was going through his desk, looking for insurance papers, etc I found the adoption decree. I had to read it twice before I understood what it was. The first read through I thought I had found papers for an adopted brother... But no - they were for my adoption.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately called my mother, who steadfastly denied it, even after I told her again that I had the papers in my hand. Incredulously, she still says I never should have found out. I refuse to discuss it further with her - it only brings about another argument. I am thankful for being adopted; the alternatives ranged from bad to worse. But the conspiracy of silence is something that hurts to this day.
The worst thing, and this is really hurtful, is that everyone, family friends, work acquaintances, even my childhood friends all knew I was adopted. No one told me. That cut really deeply.
Over the last few years I've searched off and on to try and locate my birth parents. Through a couple of searchers, and online databases, I've gathered a few bits of information. The California Birth Records Database was particularly helpful.
I had found my birthmother's maiden name, and birthyear
I had my father's last name and birthyear
I found an older sister and brother through the CA birth index
I have +/- 3 half siblings.I had never really fully followed through on any leads however, partially because of dead ends, partially because of money, and partially because of fear. My biggest fear was that my birthmother is dead. I've already resigned to the fact that my birthfather is dead - I'd found a Social Security death index entry for a death in 1986.
For Christmas, 2004, I received a wonderful gift. An adoption search organization, Worldwide Tracers, had a contest for a free adoption search. I entered it, hoping I'd at least win one of the two reduced price searches. The folks at the office read my entry, and decided to give me the grand prize - a full search, for free. Words cannot express the gratitude I felt when I got that phone call.
Update - 2/13/04 - Monda has found a death certificate for my father. While I had already figured he had passed away, it still stings a bit knowing I will never meet him. However, she did also find my four half siblings, and tried to contact the oldest. The number was out of service, so she sent him a letter. I am hestantly excited and can't wait to find out what happens next....
Update - 4/11/05 - I've spoken with my half sister! Last year, around mid July(?) Monda had emailed me a possible address to my half sister (on my father's side). I wrote a letter and (thought) I mailed it sometime in July or August. Two weeks ago I was cleaning out the garage and rummaging through a bag of junk I'd retreived from my old car before I sold it. In it was the letter. I'd never mailed it!. Well, last it was finally posted and last Thurs my sister Vivian called me. I can't thank her enough for doing so. I also found out that her brother has visited my (full-blooded) sister, and hopefully I'll be able to contact her soon! It was a great conversation, and I can't wait to meet that part of my family.
Update - 5/14/05 - I've spoken with my Sister!!! I found her number and connected the dots, and finally after a couple of weeks of false starts, I called her. It was awesome. I hope I can soon talk to my mother. I've also spoken with her son, and traded email with her daughter. It's quite exciting being an uncle, after being raised as an only child.
UPDATE - A really BIG DEAL 7/14/05 - Wow. I've met my sister. She came out to stay with us for a few days during a visit to the mainland. It was an amazing experience. She is a wonderful person, and my life is better knowing her. The visit was not without its bittersweet moments, and I deeply regret that it took me so long to find her, but I guess the alternative is that we could have lived the rest of our lives without meeting, and that would have been truly regrettable. She gave me some pics of her family, and my brother & mother, and a really great picture of her & her husband on their wedding day. I will treasure those photos.
Together, at long last.
